For some time now I have been thinking about both sides of the coin as concerned with the therapist and patient relationship.
Each one of us is responsible for his own evolution, but this does not mean that the therapist does not have to look at what in himself is not facilitating the patient’s process.
Let me give you an example: a few years ago I was in therapy when the professional told me that she would take 6 weeks off in July. She had already taken three weeks at Easter. I was at a very difficult stage and I thought, “If I am going to have to deal with all this alone now, then I will handle it for the rest of my life,” and I decided on not coming back. The therapist may have assumed: “She is not committed to the treatment,” without thinking about her own responsibility in my decision.
The same is true for effective change, for action. I see that therapies are often focused on the problem: “Your saboteur is the critic, or the victim,” or “You are being moved by fear or scarcity.” It lacks a link between pointing out the problem and what will really lead to transformation and doing.
And there is no point in saying that the patient did not want to help himself: he is missing an important part of his work, which is also why the patient does not commit to the action.
Coaching has been treated by many as a villain, but in this sense it is an effective tool, since it focuses on problem-solving and on what motivates that person to act.
If the coach is going to use the patient´s values for this, he will explore them to make it clear what moves you to action. If your highest value is freedom, for example, knowing this is very vague – what is freedom for you may not be the same for me. For me, freedom is not being tied to a job from 9 to 5, not having a boss telling me what to do, having flexibility in my schedules. For another person, it may be having money to do what he wants, and this will influence his actions in a different way that will influence mine.
But sometimes even this work is not enough. Rudolf Steiner, creator of Anthroposophy, says in his book, The Philosophy of Freedom, that one of these three motivations is necessary for willpower to motivate an action:
– Desire to do good;
– Thriving for the evolution of humanity;
– Love for an idea received through intuition.
This may be one of the reasons why you are procrastinating, or why your idea stays only in your head (or on paper). If your motivation is on someone else´s expectations (your parents, partner, boss) or simply on the need to pay bills, it can be difficult to get out of bed in the morning.
If, at the moment, you are not being motivated by any of these three things, first accept this and know that it is okay. Then, you can begin by opening yourself up to receive, through intuition, an idea that you will fall in love with. You can do this through exercises to be more intuitive, like meditation or hiking in nature.
For now, open up to the possibilities! It sounds like little, but it’s the beginning of a big change.